Let's do it on our own

December 2013 is when Jeremy and I discussed what our plans were for

starting our family. We wanted to wait until we were stable and had good insurance. Well, December was that time. Jeremy had just graduated from Basic Military Training and we were ready!

I was tracking everything in one of those fertility apps, secretly. I didn't want Jeremy to know how desperate I was wanting to get pregnant. Have y'all seen the things they want you to track?! It's borderline crazy! (The app I used that I felt like worked best was Ovia) Here is a quick run down... Mood (happy, calm, frisky, worried, frustrated, cranky, anxious, angry, depressed, etc). Symptoms: Head and neck (acne, facial hair, hair loss, headache), Chest and Back, Stomach, Pelvic Area, Arms and Legs, Sleep and Lifestyle). Intercourse: (you have the option to click a little heart with "I had sex today!" next to it or a heart that said "not today"). Cervical fluid: (they expect women to literally use their finger to grab some and test it.......Gross and annoying). Ovulation test: positive or negative. Pregnancy test: positive or negative. Basal Temperature, Blood Pressure, Sleep, Weight, Nutrition, Activity and Medications. By the end of tracking half of that, I needed to take a nap.

This was the first step in trying to get pregnant and I was really good about filling it out. I was committed to the easiest and most surefire (I thought) way to get knocked up. I kept a dang thermometer by my bed to take my basal temperature every morning. I definitely had to remember to hide that when people came over! How do you explain needing a thermometer on your bedside table when you aren't ready to tell people what your plans have been? Especially when your plan isn't working.

I did everything by the book and I continued to get upset, month after month, every time my period started. I would catch myself crying, frequently, in the shower so that Jeremy didn't know. At one point, later in the 3 years of trying on our own, Jeremy walked into the bathroom and saw me sitting on the shower floor (we had frosted shower doors) and asked me what was going on. It was the first time I told him how scared I was; how deeply I wanted to get pregnant, for me but ESPECIALLY for him. He will be the most amazing dad in the universe. He learned what not to be as a father, which will make him stellar! He has been so positive from the beginning. The longer we tried, the more he would realize how upset I would get on day one of my cycle. He would hug me tight, kiss my forehead and tell me, "We'll just keep trying."

We did this from 2013-2015. This is when the journey really started...