I Planned a Baby Shower
It's been a while since the last post. I hope this finds everyone doing well and healthy! I've been extremely busy with all aspects of life, but that's how I like it. Lately, I was busy planning something that is anybody's worst nightmare with infertility....... a baby shower.
Why am I subjecting myself to not only attending, but planning a baby shower?
1. I ADORE the person we celebrated. The military life brings all kinds of people in and out of our lives, at so many different stages. My precious friend is someone I wish would have been brought into my life much sooner. There was absolutely no hesitation when thinking about being part of planning this shower.
2. I care deeply about my friends; All of them. My sweet friend is pregnant with her third. I know what you're thinking... You shouldn't get a shower if you are pregnant with your third. Typically, I agree... One day, we were with each other for a VERY long time and, while we were in the car talking, it was brought to my attention that she never had a shower for either of her first two girls. Military life isn't one like the civilian life. You don't always have the opportunity to have your "community of support", a.k.a church or friends, plan a shower for you. That was her case. I can only imagine what that would be like and I imagine it would be hard. If you completely remove the gifts from the shower, what is the purpose of a baby shower? To celebrate this beautiful life that is being brought into this world! She hadn't gotten the chance to have all of her friends get together to celebrate baby #1 or baby #2. I wanted her to know that baby #3 is worth celebrating, no matter the circumstances, and so is she.
3. I won't allow my heartache to hinder my happiness for my precious friends. In this situation, my friend took the time to tell me one-on-one about this pregnancy before she announced it on any social media. She knew my heart and she knew it would be hard for me to hear. She was considerate of that, but didn't avoid the conversation. It, honestly, made our friendship stronger, because I felt valued as a friend. I am beyond thrilled to meet baby #3. I already adore her two girls and this one will be no different.
So, I know that attending the shower may have made me feel sad, hopeless, isolated, anxious, and - more than anything - envious. And still, the pregnancy celebrated is often that of a woman you or I love: it can be a sister, a cousin, or in this instant, a dear friend. She is someone whose well-being I cherish and who I would never wish any pain. Least of all, the pain of infertility. So I find myself swirling with complex emotions: bitterness and jealousy, apprehension and sorrow, resentment and despair. Emotions that confuse me; That make me feel guilty and ashamed; That leave me feeling freakishly different and utterly alone.
Looking back, I would have never thought I would volunteer to plan a baby shower, but here I am. I was excited to celebrate, but most of all... I'm proud of myself for stepping outside of my own emotions and circumstances to celebrate.
To anyone currently pregnant or soon to be pregnant, keep this in mind -- When someone you love is experiencing infertility at the time of a baby shower, allow your compassion to take over. Let them know you want them to be there, if they want to... if they can. But if they can’t, understand it’s not about you or your impending bundle of joy. It’s about reliving pain again and fear. It can’t be yet another day of plastering on a smile and faking happiness. If you wouldn’t ask someone who has experienced miscarriage or another loss to just suck it up and carry their burdens, don’t ask someone with other forms of infertility to do it.