Waiting Game

If you know me, you know I really struggle with patience. I don't do well waiting for anything. If someone tells me they will be somewhere at 2:00, I expect them at 1:45. My friend, Sarah, knows that if I say I will be at her house to pick her up for a girls day, to be ready 15-20 min earlier than I tell her. Time is something I try really hard to control, but the funny thing is, time can't be controlled. I can try with all my power and it doesn't listen. I feel like a slave to waiting at this point. Make an appointment, wait. Go to appointment, wait. Go through test, wait. Get meds, wait. Take meds, wait. Make appointment, wait. Continue meds, wait. Rinse and repeat... over and over again. I become so tired of freaking waiting. I'm over it. When will it be my turn?!

There is one song that we frequently sing at church that has spoken to me every single time, it goes like this...

I'm sure you are wondering why in the world my blog is called Patiently Waiting. Well, Jeremy picked the name. I couldn't come up with a name, so I asked him. I went with Patiently Waiting because... well, what other choice do I have? Jeremy is a no-worries type of guy. He even has a tattoo on his chest of Matthew 6:34- “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." He lives this verse every single day. I come home worried to death about EVERYTHING. Did the garage door shut, did I lock my car in the garage, is my phone in my pocket, did I put my wallet back in my purse, was there something I was supposed to do today? Jeremy thinks it's ridiculous, but he just doesn't understand my anxious mind. I try so hard to just take things in stride, but I can't. I worry about the most minute things, BUT I worry most about being able to carry my own child. On a scale of 1-10, I worry about this at an 87.4. I will talk to so many people that are close to me and they will say, they just know that it will happen. How do I get that state of mind?! I want that. Where do I sign up for that mindset? I will even sign up with my own blood. Since there isn't a place to sign up for something that isn't a possibility, we wait. I will just need to continue to try to be patient. There are no guarantees, but I will try.