Just a Glimpse

This post won't be an update but more of a glimpse into MY struggle. If you have read anything about me, I always try to be honest about our journey. I has some ups, but it also has a LOT of downs. Let me start by saying, I'm so thankful for the meds that I am on. I'm grateful that they have been created for me to be able to take, to give me any sort of chance to become a mother. Like I said at first, this is just to give you a glimpse into the nitty gritty.

Quick recap- I am on Femara and Metformin.

Metformin is one that I am on every day of the month. Femara is only for days 4-8 of my cycle. So, 30-ish days of Metformin and 5 days of Femara. I also take fish oil (2), Vitamin D (5000 units), baby aspirin, prenatal vitamin and CoQ10. This totals 13 pills a night.

Every morning I text Jeremy when I wake up. He always asks how I slept. Today, I told him this round has been extremely tough since both of my meds have been bumped up to a higher dosage. I figured I would look up the side effects and tell him which ones apply to me. Here they are...

Metformin

Femara

Now... Think about how the simplest tasks of your day are altered from these types of side effects. Think about being invited out with your friends to have dinner but you are feeling tired from no sleep, nauseous, dizzy, hot flashes, headaches and upset stomach. Doesn't that sound like a blast?! BUT I keep going because I am hopeful that there is an end to these things and I can trade them in for morning sickness and a baby.

There are so many times I think to myself how I am drained and over it. I'm sick of feel miserable. I'm sick of feeling like I'm weak. I'm sick of feeling like a failure every single month. I'm sick of my little break downs every month. I'm sick of requiring Jeremy to give me the pep talk to get the gumption to keep going. (If it wasn't for Jeremy, I might have quit by now.)

I follow a couple on Instagram, Derek and Stacy Weida. They are not a fertility focused couple but they have been going through IVF. Yes, I'm aware they are having a harder time than us. Yes, I know I'm not the same as them. Yes, I'm aware that Stacy's side effects are way worse than mine and WAY more expensive. I took a screen shot of Derek's post the other day and sent it to Jeremy. My main questions was, "is this how you feel?" Take a look at the post and I will tell you what Jeremy said.

Jeremy said that he feels that exact way. He doesn't have to give me injections and I don't have all the patches and gels. But the part where Derek says, "It really does kill me that there's really nothing I can do but sit here and say, "You can do this!! WE CAN DO THIS!!"" gave me a little insight to how Jeremy feels. I know, for a fact, that if Jeremy was going through something that was breaking him like it breaks me, I would be devastated.

Also, if you are on this journey and you need anyone to talk to, reach out to me. I will curse the meds with you, I will cry with you when it seems too hard, I will laugh about the funny parts of the journey (there are some) and I will support you the best way I can!