P.S. I Love You

Jeremy was at work super late the other night so, like any female at home alone, I wanted to watch a movie so I searched for a chick flick. I came across a movie I have never seen but always hear rave reviews about, P.S. I Love You. Have you seen it?

I am always happy for my friends when I hear the pregnancy news BUT I honestly have to talk myself into being happy for them. Doesn't that sound terrible? Probably. But hang with me for a second. I briefly touched on this in this blog entry.

Back to why I brought up P.S. I Love You. If by the end of this blog entry you are still confused, I encourage you to watch it! If not for the purpose of this blog, because it is a great movie and has a fantastic storyline. It is now on Netflix. Without ruining the movie I'll give you a quick synopsis.

A young widow discovers that her late husband has left her 10 messages intended to help ease her pain and start a new life. The movie starts with the couple fighting about the timing of having a child. Gerry, her late husband, sends her on a journey to heal. While on this quest to mend her heart from her pain she set out on a trip with her girlfriends. One of her best friends announces that she is getting married and the other friend announces her pregnancy. This makes Holly, the main character, outwardly shows her emotions for the news. Here is the clip...

Now, let me explain how she is feeling. I know I have not lost my husband and I can't even imagine what that pain would feel like, nor am I comparing my heart ache to hers. Did you see the part where her friends asked her if she was ok and she stumbled saying, yes, no then yes again? She is fighting a little battle within herself. She is happy for her friend but sad for herself. I know, I know.... this is an extreme example because she will never know what it's like to have a child with her deceased husband and she will never attend another wedding/life event with him. I know that I still have a chance that Jeremy and I will have a baby. I don't want it to seem like I've given up and there is no way I think I won't ever carry a baby. This clip just happens to be the best example of what emotions go along with the struggle. Do you feel for her? Does it make you feel a little sad?

If you are going through these emotions for any reason, give yourself some space to feel what you are feeling. (If you know someone going through it keep this in mind as well. Don't discount their feelings.) Whatever emotions you may be feeling is okay. Suppressing those feelings and emotions makes the hurt last longer and can eat at you. It can make the darkness linger. Go to your safe space... your closet, bathroom, car, wherever you go to be alone. Spend some time there BUT don't stay there forever. Give yourself enough time and pick yourself back up. I choose the shower as my alone time. I let those emotions out and allow myself to process it all. I allow myself to feel every emotion. Most of the time I cry. The tears are sad and happy tears all at the same time but I can tell you, the majority is sadness. I used to suppress my feelings. It put me in dark places sometimes. It created some tension in my marriage. I don't allow that anymore. I talk to Jeremy, my ride or die. He knows my heart hurts and says the simple statement, "it's just not fair, but we will be ok". If you need a person, message me. I can tell you it sucks and isn't fair. On days you don't feel like leaving your house or even your couch, get out and see your friends. Don't wallow in your pain. I feel like I can say this because I HAVE BEEN THERE. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you. If you are keeping your struggle to yourself and you need to talk, I'm your girl. I am a steel trap. I am here for you.

If you are new to my blog or missed one of them, I don't want you to leave this blog post thinking I don't want anything to do with my pregnant friends. Please go read an entry dedicated to that topic called-- A Letter to My Pregnant Friends.